Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Adoption Journey Part 1 - Just as Wonderful



"Why are you adopting, are you not able to have any more children of your own?"

This is a question that we get quite often and, though well meaning, it makes my stomach turn.  It's not that it's too personal a question, I honestly don't mind at all when someone asks why we chose to adopt.
It is our story and I'm happy to share it. 

What I don't like about the question is the latter part, "are you not able to have any more children of your own?"
My own?

Hmmm...

We may not share the same genes but Nora is very much my own.
She has filled a space in my heart that was meant for her.
She is my own.
Just as my boys are, who do share my genes.

All three of our children have very different stories of how they joined our family and
If there is anything that I have learned through this difficult, wonderful, crazy journey it's that 
Adoption is just as beautiful, just as wonderful, and just as amazing as having a child any other way.

It's different.
And it's hard.
But it's wonderful.


In 2007 I found out I was pregnant.  We were so thrilled to become parents to a sweet baby.
Though that excitement didn't last long, before we hit the 2nd trimester, we lost that little one.
We were devastated and discouraged but were excited when we found out we were expecting again soon after.

Scared for another loss, I took it pretty easy during that pregnancy.  I continued to go to school but other than that, I tried not to overdo it.
Looking back I can see that it was a wonderful pregnancy.  I had the regular aches and pains, nauseousness and throwing up that comes with pregnancy, but he was a healthy, growing baby and we were just fine.

Little Mason joined our family in 2008.

It was a wonderful delivery.
Everything went smoothly and relatively quickly.
And my heavens, he was perfect. 

In the beginning of February 2009, when Mason was just 8 months old, we found out we were expecting again. 
We were nervous but SO excited that Mason would have a sibling so close in age.

At the start, the pregnancy seemed normal and I wasn't quite as paranoid or overly careful as I was when I was pregnant before.
Then, when I was just 25 weeks pregnant, because of a lot of bleeding and contracting, I dropped Mason off at my sister's house and headed to the hospital.
The nurses tried to stop the contractions and thought they could get them under control and send me home on bed rest.  Davey held my hand and kept me relatively calm. When it seemed that everything was under control (and it was after midnight), I sent Davey home to get some sleep.
About 20 minutes after he left (just as he was getting home) my placenta abrupted.  
I was bleeding like crazy and they told me they had to bring my baby boy via emergency c-section immediately.  
We called Davey to tell him to race back as his baby was about to be delivered.

He made it to the hospital just in time to hold my shaking hand as I was being cut open and my tiny little boy was removed from my body.
Three and a half months premature.
I was worried that neither of us would ever see our baby alive so I told Davey to go be with him.
So he followed the NICU team who did what they do best and kept my little one alive.




The next few days were surreal.
I woke up every morning hoping that it was all just a dream and that I still had a healthy developing baby inside of me.
But instead he was in a box, fighting to survive.

He was our beautiful little fighter.
(click HERE to see a video of his first year of life)

After I was discharged from the hospital I went to stay with my mom so Dave could return to work and my mom could help me take care of Mason while I recovered and spent lots of time with little Jimmy in the hospital.
During this time I was having pains in my chest that hurt every time I took a breath in.
I thought maybe this was just an effect from the medication I was on to help with c-section pain, so I went off of all medication. The pain continued so I made an appointment with my doctor. After hearing my symptoms they immediately scheduled me for a CT scan.  
The results weren't good.
I had blood clots in my lungs (pulmonary embolism) and I would need to immediately get re-admitted to the hospital to be watched closely and put on blood thinning medication.
While in the hospital my doctor came in the room with a somber expression.
He told us that pulmonary embolisms are incredibly dangerous, especially for pregnant women.  He said that he advised against ever being pregnant again as I could easily get another blood clot and possibly die.  But.. if I were to get pregnant I would need to see specialists and give myself blood thinning shots every day.  
So it's possible, but very dangerous.
(plus we would also have the higher risk of pre-term labor and placenta abruption on top of the risk of future pulmonary embolisms)
This was definitely a shock.
I had always wanted lots of children and I wasn't understanding why this was happening to me.
I was emotional and frustrated.
Then the idea of adoption popped in my head.
Davey and I had talked about adoption before we were married but the idea got pushed aside until this moment. 
It just seemed like the answer.

I don't know that we will never have a baby biologically again.
Only God knows the answer to that.
But.... for now,
Adoption is right.




Click HERE to view Part 2 of our adoption Journey.


4 comments:

Dani & Jake said...

"We may not share the same genes but Nora is very much my own. She has filled a space in my heart that was meant for her. She is my own."

This part got me - So beautiful. Man i wasn't expecting to cry this morning! Can't wait for part 2 :)

Petersons said...

Coming from a Birth Mom this fills my heart with so much joy for you and for Nora - "we may not share the same genes but Nora is very much my own. She has filled a space in my heart that was meant for her. She is my own"

Kristy said...

Thank you for saying these amazing words of wisdom! I remember when my husband and I were first talking about adoption one of my best friends said the same thing about "wanting a child of our own!" I quickly said he/she will be OUR OWN because he or she will be what God has placed in our family! That was 3 years ago and we are so blessed to have adopted a child of our own!!! ;) We brought her home from the hospital and she is now 2 1/2! And you are right it has been the hardest thing but also the most beautiful too! Prayers to you and your family!!!!

Brinn said...

so beautiful, thank you for sharing!